Define 'Harmless'
by tFantasyFan
Summary: The semi-Aftermath of the episode 'Time Travails.' Can you really blame a guy?


_This is a (considerably belated but existing nonetheless) Valentine's Day gift-shot to Princess Tyler Briefs. And I was just lucky enough to be able to snatch up one of the late night bunnies staring at me._

_Disclaimer: *insert all things that a proper disclaimer entails here*_

* * *

"Uh…Raph? What are you doing?"

"What does it _look _like I'm doin'?"

Donatello looked the situation over with a critical eye, as astutely observational as ever. He took in his brother's rather awkward positioning on the back of the couch, his defensive tone of voice and the fact that his eyes were utterly glued to a single spot on the lair's floor, and reported to the darker turtle in a deadpan manner.

"It _looks_," he began with a raised eye ridge, fighting an amused smirk, "like you're desperately trying to avoid getting near that cockroach."

"Well look who earned himself a gold star," Raph growled darkly, fingers curling up into fists as he continued monitoring his foe. "You gonna stand there laughin' all day or are ya gonna get rid of it?"

"'Get rid of it?' Raph, it isn't poisonous. It's barely an inch long. There's nothing to get rid _of_."

"If it was _nothin'_, it wouldn't be there."

The purple-banded turtle bit down on a compressed bubble of laughter, stifling the small amount that managed to escape behind one of his fists. This action did not go unnoticed by Raphael, who immediately took up the task of glaring at his sibling mutely. Donatello found himself beginning to regret finding amusement in this, because this was exactly why his hotheaded brother never admitted to being afraid. But as he tried holding it in, he couldn't help letting a small chuckle escape.

A single cockroach. Ten feet away and probably completely oblivious of their existence. Without any kind of higher thought processes whatsoever. Utterly harmless. And his brother was _still _afraid of it. Glowering, Raphael prepared himself to lunge for the genius violently, only to freeze mid-motion in a fit of realization.

"Shell!" He hissed heatedly, eyes sweeping the roach's last known location with paranoia-fueled efficiency. "Dammit, Don, why'd ya have to distract me? Now I can't even keep an eye on the thing!"

"It's probably hiding out with the other dozens of insects you haven't discovered yet. We live in the sewers, Raphael: they're everywhere."

"I don't care about the ones I don't know about, I care about the ones I see and then lose!" Donnie's smile fell slightly as he tilted his head in consideration, feeling a small rush of sympathy.

"You're really that scared of one insect?"

"I ain't afraid! I just hate 'em!" Came the snappish reply. Which, of course, was about as close to an outright 'yes' as he was likely to get from the sai-wielding ninja. Donatello sighed, rolling his eyes as he took a seat on the proper cushions of the couch.

"We've been abducted by aliens, thrown into prison, nearly dissected, hurled through time, battled the Shredder and the Foot, attacked on the spiritual plane, faced monsters so vicious and intimidating that we were lucky to escape with all our pieces, all of these events being ones that you charged into with complete disregard for the circumstances while everyone else stood back and watched…and you're avoiding a bug." Raph's response was terse and agitated.

"So what if I am?"

"It's one harmless insect. _One._"

"Harmless?" Raph repeated incredulously, apparently giving up in his search. "_Harmless? _Don, have you ever been _eaten _by one of those things?"

"Have I-? Of course not. I don't think it's even capable of breaking my skin, let alone…oh." His statement trailed off sheepishly as Raphael slid down next to him, arms folded tensely. He'd forgotten the events that had transpired during their most recent encounter with Renet.

"Yeah. 'Oh.' Lemme tell you somethin', it wasn't exactly skippin' through a field of flowers."

Donatello regarded his brother, keeping his face impassive. So maybe he should have foreseen something like this. Raphael had never exactly been fond of insects to begin with. Being _swallowed _by a giant cockroach might not have been high on his priority list. And it certainly wouldn't have been conducive to his brothers' usual insistence that insects were harmless.

_Harmless. Right. _Harmless enough, unless magically transformed into giant monsters intent on devouring you. Perhaps it would be wise to rethink his definition of the word 'harmless.'

"Right," he said at length, unsure of exactly what to do. "If I see it later I'll, ah, take care of it for you."

"You don't gotta _kill _it or anythin'. Just keep the little bastard away from _me_." The genius nodded his confirmation.

"Sure thing, Raph. Just for the record, though: barring any unknown sorcerers hiding out in the city, there's nothing nearby that could enlarge or otherwise alter an insect _that _significantly. I mean, they really are- ah, _mostly _harmless."

"Whatever, Einstein," Raph grumbled quietly in response. "I'll believe it when I see it." Relaxing slightly, he turned his attention to the television.

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_Much thanks for reading ^-^_


End file.
